Aliens

What if aliens communicated through smell? Like if they had different smell glands that they could switch through, to make different sequences of smells. And they'd have a nose like a dog, only more powerful and sensitive. Then how would we communicate with them? What if we accidentally told them "You guys suck" because of our smells? And then we would be screwed if they had giant doomsday weapons capable of destroying a small planet like earth a million times over. Just what if.

~C.

Reverse Cretinization

The process of "Reverse Cretinization" is astounding. This process is based on the notion that "every stupid person has the potential to become incredibly smart", though that is a bit simplified.
The process begins when the cranium of the subject, who should have a cretinization level above that of the average person (much higher), is struck swiftly, briefly, and with great force. This impact causes a momentary surge of electricity on the surface of the previously dormant brain and forces blood to rush to the area of impact to heal and consolidate any damage, taking with it precious oxygen in order to begin the process of aerobic respiration in the brain cells and causing the brain cells to become more active. The previous dormancy causes the brain to rapidly suck in all the information around it using the five senses, trying to quickly develop in the face of threat (which is the object that caused the recoil). Thus, the subject soaks in all the information around him and gains photographic memory, if for a short while. The information is then logically broken down and analyzed by the subject's brain and stored in the memory banks, (some pre-existing memories and knowledge are already there, but were not analyzed or understood, these are also used), and using this information the subject comes upon amazing discoveries that were already made by previous persons, and is able to master complex theories and aspects of the world around the subject. Thus when regaining composure from the said impact, the subject regurgitates knowledge and information as a side effect to the "rapid learning", and gains more awareness.
The final step in this process of "reverse cretinization" is the revertation of of the subject's IQ level. The subject's brain, after being "awakened", is very unstable, and thus if the subject's cranium takes another blow, the information and knowledge gained through self-discovery is lost and destroyed in the memory storage, and the subject reverts back to a cretin. On the other hand, if there was no additional blow to the cranium and the information and IQ levels of the subject's brain were able to stabilize, who knows what could happen? As of yet, there has been no record of stabilization, for soccer balls usually realize that their actions have created a sin of nature after the impact to the cranium, and seek to correct it.

~C.

Reality Check

An escape. We all have one. If you don't, you're probably very, very, very depressed. Because it's the truth, and there's no shame in it: Life is depressing. Reality is depressing. Something slightly disturbing: It is almost impossible to deal with reality unless you can take a vacation from it; The only way to deal with life is to have healthy intervals of not dealing with it.

This is something apparently obvious, a duhbrian,we'renothatstupid moment, but it's a slightly strange, alien concept. We like to think of ourselves as enduring, and yet, we can't even endure the pressure of being. We're like... a volatile, moody video gamer. If you're not doing well in one game, turn it off, take out the cartridge, and switch to another for a short while.

If you are still confused, here are some examples of escapes.

Playing an instrument can make you feel better, because you are, at the time, concentrated in making music and you are not (should not be) thinking about your grades, or what your future job salary will be, and whether or not you will make enough to support your wife and three kids. You should be letting the music take you in, and moving with the music, right? It's an escape. A momentary escape from reality in which you can temporarily allow yourself to get high in your own way. And if you're not getting high the way you want; that's fine. Take out the cartridge, and switch to another game.

Other escapes include:

• Video games.
• Art and poetry (these two are slightly debatable because they both have the potential to become equally depressing and uplifting)
• Sports.
• Writing blog posts instead of doing homework at 11 PM (guess what I'm supposed to be doing)
• Even drugs and alcohol (which we here at Blargitty Blarghed do NOT recommend because they are both more expensive and health-damaging habits, even if they may produce a higher-quality high.)

So next time you are feeling overly stressed or partially insane:

Realize what you must dotofulfillyourdestiny,luke

And accept it as what must be done.

Escape with any means possible.